Tanked
My author journey sort of sprang itself on me out of the blue. You hear many, many author stories where the person had always wanted to be a writer, ever since they were a kid. That wasn’t me. I loved reading as a kid, and I’d play around with writing stories, but it never crossed my mind that I could be a writer. I found dance in my early twenties and spent my creative energies on that. (I have over twenty-five years now in Arabic Dance.) I loved it. I wasn’t looking to take on anything other than dance. But around 2017 I had this idea for a scene. (It actually started by listening to a song and imagining a dance for it, so cross-over creativity for the win!) And then a story grew quite quickly out of that. I wrote my first ever manuscript in seven to eight months, never having even written a real short story. And then, of course, more story ideas came. I’m still dancing. I still love it; I still need it, but it’s been really fun to see my dance inform my writing and my writing inform my dance. And one very important lesson that I have learned through this process is that my creativity is not confined to one medium. I am not just a dancer, and I am not just a writer. I am a creative person. So, whatever happens in my life, I will always be able to find a way to express myself.
The funny thing about Willard finding balance, is that the process to find balance has to be, itself, balanced. Willard was at odds with himself and his identity because he was listening to outside voices. But not just any outside voices. The wrong outside voices. What he needed was an outside voice that would tell him the same thing that his own deepest, inner voice was trying to tell him about who he was. He needed the right outside voice.
We hear a lot about not listening to anyone else about who we each should be. That we can only find ourselves on our own, inside of ourselves. And certainly, we have to find our own selves inside; we can’t only rely on someone else’s opinion or vision of ourselves, even if it’s a good vision. But the right outside voice—the right friend, the right person who truly sees us and wants the best for us—can help us find that best voice inside of ourselves. (Without giving spoilers, in case people haven’t finished the book yet) Willard found that person, and they each helped the other find their equilibrium.
I think it definitely relates to being a writer, and to publishing. We have to learn to trust our creative selves. There are so many voices in this industry. Some of them have great advice, some of them have terrible advice, and some of them have advice that is great for one person, but terrible for another. We have to find the voices and guidance that work for our creative processes and goals and for the kind of stories we want to share.
I would say absolutely. As an example, specifically for Tanked, while I was deciding whether to publish this book indie, I booked a meeting through Manuscript Academy (who are wonderful people and offer fantastic resources and classes for writers) with literary agent Eric Smith (also a really awesome human being) to get industry feedback. He reviewed my first chapter and loved it. Said so many kind things about it. He also said that as an agent, he would never take on another superhero book, because Marvel and DC had that market pretty well wrapped up in the traditional publishing space. That was really, really useful feedback for me. It told me yes, I had a good book on my hands, but trad publishing was not the place for it. Going indie made it possible for this book to have a life.
Over all, I think the thing I would stress the most is to take your time. Books aren’t going anywhere. It’s not a race. So be intentional. Take the time to learn your craft. Take the time to learn what your options are publishing-wise so you can make informed decisions. Take the time to—going back to question number two—find the outside voices that can help you develop and bring to the fore what your inner voice is also telling you. I think sometimes we have this idea that we should be able to just sit down and boom, churn out amazing books on day one. But there’s learning involved. We don’t expect someone who just stepped into a dance studio for the very first time to be a prima ballerina after one class, but we seem to expect that of ourselves in writing. It takes time and learning and practice and work. And that’s ok.
